It's Back......

So last May, I started losing weight and I lost about 40 pounds from the middle of May until the end of September/ first of October. I was so proud of myself and people were starting to notice a change…. I had to go buy new clothes (even new underwear – very exciting!)…. And then things went downhill during the holidays. I gained back about 20 pounds…. And then I got back on track in mid to late January and lost 10 of that 20, so I was still down a total of 30.
And as of this morning, I have gained back 28 of the 40 that I had lost! I am saddened, disappointed and disgusted with myself. I thought about posting when I got under 200 lbs and I didn't.... and I guess I should have, but maybe a part of me knew it wouldn't last. But this time.... I hope.... it will.... I hope. =)

It is the most unusual feeling to be uncomfortable in your own skin. I know that I like being smaller. I also know that I love food and need to be more careful about what I eat and how much…. It’s hard. I can sit here all day and make excuses for why I let myself gain the weight back… the weather, the kids, the holidays, I’m crazy… it doesn’t matter the reason. The fact is that all that hard work is lost and I have pretty much have to start over!

I know that controlling my weight is always going to be a battle.... but the alternative isn’t very appealing…. Not that I don’t want to be in Heaven with Jesus, I just don’t want to go too soon. =)
There are things that I want to do in life, things I want to see and my weight holds me back. I don’t want it to hold me back; I don’t want to hold my kids back. I want to be a good example for them.

I’ve tried every diet, every pill, every exercise program…. The truth is that I need to make time to work out and I need to control my portions. I can eat what I want; I just need to eat less of what I want. And I know that I need to work out. I need to work out, I need to work out….even if it’s just a little exercise. Some is better than none.

The irony is that I say ‘I’m too tired’… but I know that if I work out, I will have more energy, sleep better and it will help me to work out again the next day…. It’s just getting that first workout in!!!! AAARRGGHHHH!!!

I know that this post isn’t the most upbeat, but it’s what was on my mind. I do have pictures from Easter and updates about the Job Fair that Bonham went to last week…. I will try to post again soon!