So along comes February.... I honestly didn't take anywhere near the number of pictures I normally take. Sometimes I guess I'm just not in the mood. To kind of re-cap where I was emotionally during that time, I was a very anxious and negative person. I felt like every time I went to the doctor or every time they called for something, that they were just calling to tell me that something was going to be wrong with my new baby.
After we lost Joey in September, the doctor put me on a small dose of Zoloft (anti-depressant). I took it up until November and then weaned myself off it. I really felt like I was fine, but my actions and my attitude towards others painted a different picture. I can't remember exactly when it was (maybe sometime in February or March), but I was really negative about work. I am in commission based sales as a mortgage loan officer, so a bad attitude about your work can be detrimental to your income. I didn't want to talk on the phone. I didn't want to go anywhere. I started having some "crazy" thoughts about how my family would be better off without me. Psycho! Anyway, my husband sat me down and said, "Look here!" (nicer than that though) He has to talk me off the proverbial ledge every 6-8 months when the market changes, leads dry up, and I start to panic about where my next deal is coming from.
He told me that he thought I should go back on my Zoloft to get through this period of time where I was being a crazy person (my words, not his). My doctor and his lovely nurse had already recommended it at the beginning of my pregnancy with Bowie, but I said, "No, I'll be fine.... I just want to hurry up and get this baby born and in my arms." Obviously, that didn't happen. I decided to go back on the Zoloft and within 2-3 days, I had a better attitude about work, I was less anxious about the new baby and I wasn't being mean and crazy anymore. Yay for Zoloft! :)
My analysis after being on it, off of it, and then back on it again is that it really works. I was so incredibly sad after Joey died. I felt a ton of guilt and emptiness. I honestly thought in the moment that the medicine wasn't even working. But during the time I was off of the Zoloft and hating life, while I should have been soaking in all of life's goodness, it made me realize that it had been working. And I sometimes wonder how bad I would have been if I hadn't taken it during those first few months. Of course now, I am back on the Zoloft and have a slightly higher dosage. I feel like it is working effectively to help me deal with the emotions. Not sure how long on I'll be on it... not sure what it will be like when I am off... don't really want to think about it or worry about it right now anyway.
So here are the 13 pictures from February (sad, I know)
The first one is of our goat, Mr. Brown. He was snuggling up with a cow on a cold winter day and I just had to get a picture of them.
Barrett's 2nd grade Valentine's program. He's there in middle of the picture in the 2nd row. The cafeteria was crowded and this was the best picture I could get. :(
When we had random warm weather days, Jayna and Barrett liked to get the bunnies out of their big cages and put them in these cages on the ground, so they can get in there with the bunny and play with them. These bunnies are SUPER FAST, so we don't want to just let them loose on the grass because they will hippity-hop away. We need to get one of those little corral fence things that people get to put their babies in... I'm not sure what they are called.
Barrett was "helping" Bonham with some work around the yard. :)
And then it was his turn to play with his bunny!
My parents and the big kids went to a show and dinner and some other friends
And George was sad. :(
During the month of February, I had gone to a homeschooling conference and they were giving out these light up ears. George loved them. Until he broke them.
We joke with the kids that this is why we can't have nice things...
I plan to write a blog about why we chose to homeschool.
But here's one for you: ribs at lunch time for this spoiled girl!
See how happy she is? :)
And if you all remember...the snow in February:
We ended up going out of town during the last few days of February and we missed the big storm by one day. Darn the luck! We headed south, just like the birds. But we went to visit Bonham's grandpa, George who was in a rehab facility. He was having some health problems and we wanted to spend some time with him. The kids enjoyed visiting him in a regular looking room, eating a meal with him, playing dominoes, and giving him a ride down the hall in his wheelchair.
Again, I kick myself for not taking more pictures. This was our last visit with him before he passed away a few weeks later.
For those of you who don't know, our George was named after this George:
The kids got a kick out of the fact that they could write on the door on is room with a dry erase marker, so we left Great Grandpa a little message to get better. :(
He is completely healed now though and he is up there singing his silly songs to Joey and Bowie!
We have to be thankful for that.
I should have more pictures in March.
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