Update on me...

Hello everyone!  I wanted to give a quick update on me, physically and emotionally.

I had an appointment with the general surgeon last week and he discontinued my wound vac!  Yay me!  He left the wound open and it was about 2 cm deep.  He put iodine impregnated gauze in the wound and then put dressing across it.  The plan is to continue to do this until we have complete healing from the inside out and the wound closes.  Based on the progress that I am making with that, it should only be another week or so and I will be completely healed.

Going through this process definitely makes me thankful for my regular, everyday health.  Being in pain, being limited because of a machine you have to carry around, not being able to lift your children, not constantly doing something.... that is not me.  I am a Do-er.  It's difficult to rely on other people for so much.  Don't get my wrong, I like to delegate the household chores among my lovely family, but most of the time, I just do it myself if they aren't fast enough or if they aren't around.

I feel good most days, but sometimes I am achy and sore when there are no pain meds.  Maybe it's in my head, but it doesn't matter... I feel it.  The worst times are in the morning, at the end of the day, or if I've been on my feet too long (might be over doing it some).  It's hard to judge what "over-doing it" really means.  I am trying to be more aware of certain movements and the consequences.  All that being said, I know it's getting better.

As for the emotional pain, that is getting better too.  I am trying to fill some of my time with blogging more, which helps.  I've made a prayer list and I am praying for others daily, so that it's not all about me, my pain, and my needs.  The world keeps turning, even if my world pauses briefly to mourn.  I am also entertaining the idea of starting up a small women's bible study group in my home.  I've never lead one before, but I want to go through the material and then put something together for some special women in my life and we can help each other to grow in our faith.

I am planning our homeschooling year for the kids.  I meant to do it sooner, but other things got in my way.  I'm going back to work in 3 weeks, so I have been trying to prepare for that.  We've had some visitors to help take my mind off of things, but it also allows me to talk about Bowie and Joey.  I still cry, but its not every day right now and it's not the uncontrollable sobbing, like before.  I remember that with Joey I got better and then days would come out of the blue and I would be angry and sad and just down right heartbroken all day... no good for anyone.  I was invited to join an online support group, which I did.  I try to provide words of encouragement to the other mothers, because they are the same words that I would want to hear.... mainly because these women are voicing the same feelings that I am feeling.  It's strange how that works.  All of these women from different areas have experienced different losses and we all have similar questions, thoughts, prayer requests.

Because that particular support group is far away and I will probably never meet any of these women face to face, I decided to start a closed group on Facebook called Angel Moms - DFW to connect with women locally who are dealing with the loss of their child through early miscarriage, still birth, death of an infant, infertility, failed adoption - you name it!  If you are a mommy in your heart, come join our group and get the support, love, and encouragement you need.  It really helps to heal my heart to be a support for someone else.  I believe that I was called to be a helper!  I plan to post a daily bible verse or inspiration quote and some pictures.  And when the anniversary (or angelversary) comes around for that mom and baby, I will post something special just for them.  I'd love to get feedback on other things that we can do to help support this unfortunate "club" that we are a part of.  Maybe eventually we can do a fund raiser for March of Dimes or a home for pregnant mothers.  Just something to help babies have a chance at life.

So that's all that's going on with me right now... more blogs to come soon!  Please come visit again.  :)